How to ask a girl out and how to get a girlfriend

How to ask a girl out and how to get a girlfriend are questions often asked. While many people find it easy to get a girl to date them just as many people find it hard to do.

Some people have a specific question of how to get the girl I fancy where others it is more how to get a girlfriend, any girlfriend.

This article will give tips and advice on asking a girl out but will not cover breaking up existing relationships. Breaking up a girl from her boyfriend usually includes underhand psychological methods that in the longer term usually backfire.

Successfully getting a date

So what are some guys doing right that you are doing wrong?

There are some key behaviours that successful guys that date girls do that less successful guys don’t.

  • Act confident
  • The ability to walk away
  • Able to handle rejection
  • Can brush away any criticism or negative comment
  • Don’t be the super nice guy that agrees with everything she says
So lets break down the steps:

1) Act Confident to get a girl

Have you seen what type of guys girls go for. The captain football player, the movie star, the rock singer, the guitarist.  All of these roles give an outward projection of confidence even if outside of these roles they could be quite shy. But publicly facing they are standing out from the crowd.

Now we can’t all be rock stars but by looking at how they react and their presence on stage this is a step of how to react. Would a rock star think twice about taking a ladies hand and bringing her on stage? No. If the lady rejected his offer would he stop his performance under embarrassment?   No! He would move along to the next lady and bring her on stage and not think twice on the first as it was her loss. In his eyes, he is the prize.

Having the ability to ask a girl out takes confidence in itself, If she says no then don’t let the ground swallow you up just be the rock star. If you tell her you’re attending a party or bar and invite her and she say’s no; Tell her ‘no problem, give me a call if you change your mind, I will tell you how good it was when I see you next’. You just walk on. You are going with or without her anyway and she is only missing a good time.

2) The Ability to walk away from a girl

If a girl says no to you then see it as her loss as you are a prize. There is nothing wrong with you or the girl it just at that time she maybe busy or in a relationship.  As in step one you can always leave the door open if they change their mind.  If you go on a few dates and the girl backs away then the best course of action is to ask her if she is OK. However it doesn’t really matter the answer if someone is not that into you. The best course of action is to mirror there distance and let them contact you.  The 80/20 rule in a relationship works well here. You let the girl do 80% of the contacting, If there is still some attraction they will miss you and call, if there is none they won’t. But let them miss you and reach out to you, being confident to walk away shows strength of character and you are not dependent on them.    

3) Being able to handle rejection

No one likes being rejected however how you handle rejection shows a great deal about your character. If a girl turns you down or breaks up with you some guys go on the offensive with flowers and telephone calls trying to win her back. STOP THAT!  Do you think a girl has ever said ‘wow, since you have hassled me non stop with calls and texts I finally realise I like you’. That behaviour leads to restraining orders not happy relationships.

If you are told no then leave the door open for her to contact you and move on. There are billions of women in the world and so fixating on one is limiting behaviour when it is not reciprocated.

4) Can brush away any criticism or negative comment

Women are approached by men constantly and so have developed a greater arsenal of skills to weed out unsuitable men. This is needed to avoid falling for the wrong person constantly. One of these methods is to test a guy buy insulting them or something you believe in.  This is often done to gauge a reaction. If you change your mind to agree to hers then you’re not being sincere and not confident in your beliefs.  If you get angry then the red flags go up as your letting her dictate your emotions and not showing your strong under pressure.


For example if you have started dating a girl or asking a girl out and tell her you like a band and want to see them. She may say ‘Oh I think they are a bit rubbish’. Now you can agree which totally contradicts what you have said or you could argue back with her which will be a negative experience for her.  The best way would be to say, ‘That’s a shame I was going to get us tickets, I will go with another friend then’.  This approach leaves you staying true to your word, appreciating her comment but leaves her missing out on a good night out as you are staying true to what you believe.

5) Don’t be the super nice guy that agrees with everything she says

OK so we are at the ‘Friend Zone’ section! How many single guys have the friend they hang about with that is a girl. We know, you know, she knows that you fancy her but guess what, she is interested in every other guy apart from you.  Woman can like a challenge in a man, They may try to figure them out so leave some mystery about you.  If you are having girly chats and being a shoulder to cry on you are just a male version of her girlfriends. You are not seen as a strong male partner but a soft shoulder to cry on.

What a woman says she wants and what she responds to are 2 different things! So as you have been passing her tissues listening to her relationship stories you are trying to be the guy she says she wants.  This will frustrate you as what she says she wants is sitting in front of her. However the girl will continue to go after guys that don’t put up with any rubbish and challenge her. You need to be that guy!

Asking a girl out on a date

With the above in mind you can practice what is needed for boyfriend material consideration in a girls eyes. 

When to approach a girl and how to approach a girl

Approaching a girl is the start. The old saying ‘ you miss all the shots you don’t take’ applies here. You don’t ask then you don’t get!

There are better times to approach a girl though and so use your judgement.

If a girl is in mid conversation or extremely busy, unless it is time critical wait until she has some time. You would rather have a relaxed conversation than a rushed one.  If a girl is with all her friends then try to ask her when she is on her own. There is a lot less pressure on her to say yes if on her own. With her friends judgmental eyes it is an easier option to say no to her.

What to say to ask a girl out

Keep it casual, but if it is a girl you know or have seen about start a conversation about a similar topic or one you know she is interested in. During the conversation tell her you ‘have to go but am heading down the pub/club/museum later if she would like to come along.  The answer may be yes or it maybe no, but as per the above steps take it with grace, be cool, calm and confident and walk away.

Where to go on a first date.

You want to get to know the girl so dates like the movies where you are sitting in silence is not the best idea. Going for a drink, a walk or a coffee is relaxing enough to chat and get to know her.

The 80/20 rule of dating.

Remember the 80/20 rule of dating, let the girl do 80% of the calling and talking. Don’t be an open book, be more of a mystery that they have to work out. This will be a challenge in their eyes and make you something if interest.


Remember you have to be in it to win it so get asking and remember, be confident, show self-belief and self-worth, Any negative remarks just brush aside and remain cool.